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Mayor Palmer is showing signs of being sluggish and weighed down

Recently the K9News staff noticed that Mayor Palmer was looking a bit haggard. His recent decisions have seemed rushed, and he is frequently calling in support to be with him when announcing new programs. Unsure of our observations, we hired Dr. Jane Leaky to determine if Palmer was up to par medically.
One evening while looking through a photo collection of Palmer, Dr. Leaky made a startling discovery. Leaky saw what she thought was an eye, just above Palmer's shoulder (above, area enlarged). Finding a magnifying glass Leaky was about to confirm the presence of an eye.
“At first I thought it was just somebody in the background, but the eye seemed too close for that,” said Leaky. After several hours of inspecting photos, Leaky discovered the reason for Palmer’s gaunt and wilted appearance. “In laymen’s terms, he has a monkey on his back,” reported Leaky.
According to Leaky this condition is mistakenly thought to be limited to jungle areas. Leaky explained that “monkey” is a term to describe an almost parasitic hanger-on that saps the victim of their vitality. “Victims often exhaust themselves trying to wrest the monkey from their back. Eventually they just submit to the annoyance and tolerate it.”
Leaky presented two photographs depicting Palmer’s monkey. The K9News is currently searching video archives in an attempt to see the beast in motion.

The photo above confirmed Leaky's beliefs. Director Santiago is not standing behind Mayor Palmer, he is actually clinging to the Mayor's back. Over time, Santiago will drag Palmer down.

Area Hotel For Sale - Priced to Sell
Marriott Hotel

Known As: Lafayette Yard
Known As: Crown Jewel
Location: Downtown Trenton
Price: Millions Less than Paid
Target Closing Date:
As Soon As Possible
Other: Must sell before court
orders books open to public

City gangs pledge to 'cap the vote'

Leaders from seven of Trenton's largest and most active street gangs held a "Political Empowerment Summit" last month. During the summit, held at an undisclosed location, the gang members discussed plans for next year's 'Cap the vote' campaign.
"Yo, right, see. We gonna 'cap the vote' just like they tried to 'rock da vote' last year," mumbled a gang leader identified as Infinitesimal Wisdom.
Although the group didn't announce any endorsements, several informants within the group confirmed that the group would be supporting the incumbents.
"We put da' cap, in capitalists," said one moron who related that the groups agreed to stick with a successful formula. "We done alright with Palmer and dem, so we not changin' a damn thing."
Palmer spokesman Joe Isuzu told the K9News that the mayor appreciates all votes equally. "The mayor is happy to see them becoming empowered and pleased to get their votes."

This photo was submitted anonymously to the K9News and is alleged to be a photo of Barry Colicelli, taken during a rally at City Hall. The K9News has not been able to confirm the validity.

Volunteers Wanted

The K9News will soon be releasing printed versions of our issues. Our distribution points will be the lobby of the Police Station, the Municipal Court lobby and the atrium at City Hall.
If interested in being a Distribution Specialist, just email us at k9newsrevival@yahoo.com
Also, please let us know of other city buildings that permit other publications to be distributed.