K9News-Revival
 Credo Quia Absurdum Est
NEWS, SATIRE AND COMMENTARY WITH A BITE
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Santiagonomics: $1.2M Irrelevant; $40K relevant
City  Council  remains  silent  as  the price  of  the  inquisition  rises.

    Director Joe Santiago, in a spectacular display of what is being called "Santiagonomics," demonstrated to City Council today that he is concerned with fiscal matters at the department. This past week Santiago announced that he would be cutting the number of K9 officers; a move that will save the city $40,000.
    "I want to quiet rumors about my gross-mismanagement. I am very obtuse when it comes to finances. With personnel matters also." Santiago told reporters. (A department spokesman later stated, "The Director misspoke earlier today and meant to say 'astute' and not obtuse.")
    Santiago's poor choice of words provided for his most profound statement of the day.

    K9News-Revival has learned that Santiago has transferred seven command officers to a third floor office, which he refers to as "The Office of Irrelevancy." Three Deputy Chiefs and Four Captains have been assigned to this irrelevant unit. The combined cost of these officers to the city is estimated at $1.2 million (salary and benefits).
    One officer summed-up the situation saying, "These officers have been deemed irrelevant for disagreeing with Joe on points of ethics and legalities. This is just 'ego-nomics'. He [Joe] is a bully without any ability. Cutting K9 means he only has to make up another $1.96 million. Yea, he's obtuse alright."


The three Deputy Chiefs are listed on the OMIPD window. Observers wonder when the lettering will be corrected. "Improvement" is scheduled to be changed to "Irrelevant" and Development is scheduled to be spelled correctly. The names of four captains will also be added. Who's next?

TRENTON - In response to the alarming number of reported thefts in the city, Director Santiago has announced the formation of a special theft squad. The new squad will “Aggressively address the thefts in the city,” Santiago told K9News-Revival.
    Department insiders, however, offered a different view of the program. One relevant command officer, who wished to remain relevant (therefore anonymous), told K9News-Revival that the focus of the unit would shift from the suspects and perpetrators to the victim. The Special Victims Unit (SVU) will be responsible for investigating the victims. “No longer will victims be taken at their word,” the officer stated. “Being a victim will no longer be a passive task. They will now be required to substantiate that they have in fact been victimized.” he said.
    “The victims are now going to be subjected to Santiago’s inquisitor’s,” another high-ranking, but irrelevant, officer stated. “Even if victims can’t be intimidated into recanting their initial reports, the word will spread amongst the residents. Soon the citizens of Trenton will find it easier to just shrug their shoulders and not report the crime, than to be victimized a second time.”
    “I hired Santiago to reduce crime, and damn it, he’s going to do it,” a disinterested Mayor Palmer told K9News-Revival.

Wrong   once  again   Joe

    Once again Joe Santiago has over estimated his importance and placed himself at the center of the universe. In a January 23, Trentonian article ("Santiago slams cop Web site") Santiago went on the offensive by resorting to sophomoric name-calling. In this article, Santiago said, “Everyday, like little kids, they [TPD] close their eyes and wish real hard that I’ll be gone when they open them. I’m still here and I plan to be here a long time.” Such is the arrogance of the little man who heads the police department.

    Like a bully who for the first time was punched in the nose, Santiago fails to recognize his true position in the scheme of things. Despite what Joe Santiago may think, K9News-Revival was created to address the failures of the Mayor and City Council to effectively run the police department. It is not our intention to embarrass or ridicule Santiago to the point of his resignation. His history with the New Jersey State Police is proof of his resolve. Recall that it was only after Governor McGreevey called for his resignation that Santiago finally resigned.
    Santiago is but the latest failure of Palmer

and the puppet City Council that enables him [Palmer]. In the grand scheme of the police department Santiago is fleetingly insignificant and irrelevant; he is a mere perianal cyst on the body of the department. However, in the arena of Trenton politics Santiago is like a festering boil on the face of Palmer and Council. It is the blemish of Joe that we will exploit.
    Santiago says, “I’m still here and I plan to be here a long time.” His will be damned; ultimately City Council and the Mayor have the final say. They eye of scrutiny will be the demise of Santiago, for he lacks the subtlety required to maintain his charade.