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 Credo Quia Absurdum Est
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Troubled youths have leader

Palmer tells City Council: Name Michael Jackson to  nurture  troubled  youths  in city

TRENTON – At a press conference on the steps of city hall today, Mayor Palmer announced that he has selected Michael Jackson to head the newly formed Troubled Youth Alternative-Recreation Department. Mayor Palmer credited Jackson’s past experience with trouble and youth as the deciding factor in his appointment.
    “All his adult life Michael Jackson has dedicated himself to working with youths in a one-to-one atmosphere in efforts to shape the minds of youths,” Palmer said. “The vast amount of experience that Michael has in this field should not be overlooked or overshadowed by rumor or innuendo,” the mayor continued.
    Political insiders expect that City Council will easily approve Jackson. “Doug Palmer is the master of his domain and when he pulls council’s strings they will respond,” said College of New Jersey Political Science expert Paul Reubens. “Everybody knows their place in Trenton’s government. Palmer is surely the puppet-master,” said Reubens.
    During the news conference Mayor Palmer became irate when a reporter mentioned allegations of inappropriate relations between pop-icon Jackson and his young male companions. “Look, I am getting tired of this sort of smear campaign every time I appoint the best person for a job. I am not concerned with rumors or innuendo, only with facts,” Palmer told reporters. “Fact is there is no reason why Trenton should not benefit from Michael’s experience. Director Santiago had the Haynes Security Company

Michael Jackson taunts critics after learning that no matter what, City Council will approve his appointment as the new Troubled Youth Alternative-Recreation Department director.

perform a background check on Mr. Jackson and I am satisfied.”
    A prepared press release stated that Jackson will temporarily seek quarters at the Rescue Mission on Ewing Street. Although the Mission will be his official residence, Jackson will commute to his California ranch on the weekends. The statement also gave a list of priorities that Jackson will focus on.
    In his first 100 days, Jackson has pledged to establish an adolescent group-home for boys. City Hall insiders also made reference to a “Horsey Unit,” but no details about the unit were forthcoming.

Palmer's 1978 debut album "Savin' My B.S. For You" should be seen as his magnum opus to truth. Hizz' (as he is called now) realized that the late 70's wasn't a time to bull-shit anybody. Even then, while living in the Maytag box behind City Hall, Hizz' knew that he would need all his bull-shit and lies for the future. Well 26 years have passed and like the 1st song on "Hizzoner got Dizzoner" says, "It's the same old song."

Palmer  releases  "Hizzoner  got  Dizzoner"  CD

TRENTON - Mayor Palmer announced the upcoming release of a new CD. Palmer first burst onto the music scene in 1978, with his “Savin' My B.S. For You” album (Motown records). Absent from the recording scene for more than 25 years, Trenton's very own crooner returns with superb remakes from the 60’s and ‘70’s.
    On "Hizzoner got Dizzoner”, Doug performs covers of many of the staple hits from the era. Hizzoner starts things off with "It's the Same Old Song" (Four Tops). Hizz’ moves onto funky remakes of “Shakey Ground” (The Temptations) and “Tramp” (Otis Redding). Palmer then performs his clueless rendition of “What’s Goin’ On” (Marvin Gaye), which he dedicates to the residents of Trenton.
    But this CD is not only about remakes. Hizzoner gets down and gritty with his original tune, "Referendum Blues". "The song just came to me one day when I was reading the Trentonian; for some reason I couldn't get the words 'They're just mad they lost the referendum' out of my head," said Palmer. The Trentonian seems to have greatly affected Doug's psyche; in a surprise move he dedicated Roberta Flack's hit, "First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" to L.A. Parker of the Trentonian. Many people have long speculated that Parker’s glowing articles about Palmer were actually a journalistic ballet of love, and this song is sure to fire-up the rumors.
    The final cut on the CD is truly a treat. The Council Singers (Pintella, Staton, Segura and Lartigue) perform the Box Tops' hit "I'm Your Puppet".
    Our reviewer rates it "Better than Lethargy" (Slightly).