TRENTON – An uneventful evening of rubber-stamping Mayor Palmer’s proposals was interrupted the other night, when council members began arguing over who “seconded” a motion involving one of Hizzoner’s pet projects. In an apparent attempt to show who was the most loyal puppet, six members of council responded at once with a second to a motion that was presented on the floor.
    Hoping to move past the impasse, four of the council members withdrew their second to the motion. However, Manny Segura and Annette Lartigue refused to relent in their desire

Lartigue (Rainbow hair) throws the fight ending punch to Segura's hair, while Mayor Doug Palmer watches in jubilation and prepares to count-out Segura with his foolish little scepter. (Click on image to enlarge)

to be good puppets. In a rare move, the chairs of council chambers were pushed aside and a makeshift boxing ring was set up. Mayor Palmer, as lord of the clowns, took his rightful position at ringside, and with the clang of the bell the bout was under way.
    Four seconds into the fight Lartigue hit Segura with a left jab to the hair that sent him to the mat. Mayor Palmer waved his foolish little scepter ten times in the air and the fight was over. Lartigue won the weekly award for “Best Puppet in an Elected Position.”

TRENTON – For a brief moment earlier this week, Deputy Police Director Abe Hemsey had a shimmer of brilliance about him. However, the glint of enlightenment was fleeting, as it was quickly replaced with confusion.
    While reading Police Chief Magazine, Hemsey stumbled across an article that piqued his interest. In the city of Miami, police developed an innovative plan to address a rash of thefts in a particular area. The unit, staffed with the best and brightest, was named the Prophylactic Theft Unit. With the knowledge gleaned from the Miami Chief of Police, Hemsey redefined a small part of the plan and presented it to Director Santiago as his own initiative. Apparently Santiago, without looking at the plan, gave Hemsey the okay to move forward.
    Hemsey, without knowing all the definitions of “prophylactic," created the new unit and assigned it to the Charlie sector of the city. In an effort to appear original, Hemsey opted to call the unit the “Condom Theft Unit” and assigned the members to work in and around area pharmacies. Special uniforms were also purchased to allow officers to work undercover. One Charlie Sector supervisor found the uniform a perfect fit.
    To his credit, Director Santiago bought Hemsey a dictionary and had the unit quietly disbanded. During the six evenings of stalking the condom aisles, the Condom Theft Unit filed 942 Field Information Reports and made no arrests. According to a report the stores suffered the loss of $1,872 in stolen merchandise of a "non-condom nature."
    Hemsey told reporters the unit was a success. “While not a perfect plan, at least no condoms were stolen on my watch," said Hemsey.
    One high ranking police official commented, “Maybe that’s why they call it Police Chief Magazine. The city should subscribe to Political Hack Policing instead.”