Psychic Shocks Santiago

"...its only a handful of cops... If I was that bad, they would all hate me," said Santiago.

YOCUM KY - A self-proclaimed psychic from the blue grass town of Yocum, Kentucky is causing quite a stir around the Trenton Police Department. This past Sunday, Betty Lou McGuire claims to have had a very detailed vision of Trenton's future. Witnesses told the K9News that Director Santiago, after learning of McGuire's vision, unleashed a string of expletives that would cause a longshoreman to blush.
"I've had enough of this sh&%," Santiago barked, while slamming his fist on the table. "She [McGuire] is obviously conspiring with the union. And its only a handful of cops involved. If I was that bad, they would all hate me," reasoned Santiago.
According to Daisey Sue McKay, also of Yocum (coincidentally pronounced "Yo-Come"), "We were down at Bubba's Corner Bar, at the corner of Zag Licking River and Pleasant Run Big Lick Roads (map) and Betty Lou was drinking this highfalutin drink she seen on TV. Next thing I knew, Betty Lou started choking on an apple and bangs her head on the bar."
Witnesses report that when McGuire came to, she began to talk about Trenton in great detail. "She was talking about police and somebody called Santiago and apples. Bad apples to be exact," said McKay.
McGuire told witnesses that she saw big trouble coming for Santiago. She predicted 360 Trenton cops would sue Santiago for exposing them to 'continual embarrassment and ridicule from other officers around the state.' In a cryptic prediction McGuire warned, "The apples will bring him down."
"Ridiculous," said Mayor Doug Palmer when told about McGuire's predictions. "This lush sits in a bar, drinking apple drinks and in a drunken stupor makes some off-the-wall remarks, right? Well I don't see a shred of credibility or redeeming quality in such a person." Palmer continued, "I said it before, I stand by Joe Santiago. I don't care how many law suits there are. It's all a conspiracy, I believe none of it."
Before leaving for the evening, Hizzoner did ask reporters if McGuire happened to predict any lottery numbers, jokingly saying, "You know she could be a little right."
If McGuire's prediction were to come true, the total number of Trenton cops suing Santiago would be 368, leaving just a handful of extended-leave officers and vacancies to support Santiago.

If Bettty Lou McGuire of Yocum, Kentucky is right, then the front page of the Trentonian will one day appear as shown above.

McGuire's family and friends believe she truly has 'the gift' of seeing the future. "She predicted J.R. was gonna get shot two seasons before he did," said McKay.
Around the police station most officers think McGuire is onto something. "I see it happening, he's embarrassment to say the least," said one officer who requested to remain anonymous. "But I think it would be more like 340 cops suing him. There's about 20 guys that are 'Santiago guys'. They are the buffoons and goons."
One officer simply stated, "He's a transient, like the homeless guy that walks down your street on the way to the soup kitchen. He brings your neighborhood down for a short time, but then he's gone."