Papua New Guineans Agree

PORT MORESBY (AP) - The island nation of Papua New Guinea has narrowed their search for the new Enga Province Minister of Police. According to the country’s web site the list of candidates has been narrowed to three, and Police Director Joe Santiago tops the list.
Located in the South Pacific, Papua New Guinea is a country with 715 separate languages, where English is spoken by less than 2% of the population. The clans located in the most remote sections of the island, whose cultures have not changed in hundreds of years, are often the subjects of documentaries.
The K9News traveled to the mountainous Enga province to get the reaction of villagers. To our surprise, even the people in the most remote areas knew of Santiago. The response to the question “How do you feel about Joe Santiago coming to Enga?” was unanimous.
No matter what language they spoke or how remote their villages, the people of Enga could not be more emphatic about their response to possibly getting Joe Santiago.

A Peace Corps volunteer told the K9News that Joe Santiago is seen as a large step backwards. Even in villages where over-flying jets are still viewed as gods and electricity would be seen as black magic, the people don’t want him.
Victoria Namalu from a village without a name said, through a translator, “He is not fit to eat.” Prudence, along with the grin on Namalu’s face and machete in her hand, dictated that no follow-up questions be asked.
People throughout the province responded with the same hand gesture. No matter what word they used with the gesture, the meaning was universal.

Mayor Announces: City LAGS   Addressing   Gangs

TRENTON (AP) – City police recently announced a new strategy in their appeasement approach to law enforcement. In an effort to allay public fears about the emerging presence of street-gangs, before they become an entrenched problem, city police have taken to the air. The Low Altitude Gang Strategy (LAGS) is the city’s latest initiative in the fight against gangs.
According to department insiders, officers working in the Trenton LAGS program will aggressively patrol the gang areas from an altitude of about 500 feet. “We are prepared to drop down to 300 feet in the unlikely event that the 500 foot height is ineffective,” said one Trenton LAGS officer.
“It’s important for residents to know that LAGS has placed more officers in the air than ever before,” said Trenton Mayor Douglas Palmer. “Response times have dropped significantly and we can now boast to having an officer respond to any address in the city in less than 30 seconds. I am proud of our LAG strategy, said Palmer.
The mayor called an abrupt end to the press conference when reporters began questioning him about how long it will take officers to get less than 300 feet from a scene.
In a press release, City Hall spokesman Kent Ashworth stated, “Mayor Palmer views the recently emerging gang presence as a somewhat semi-serious nuisance that could possibly, in the distant future, become an isolated problem for one or two small neighborhoods.”
Ashworth also told reporters that residents would know when LAGS is working. “The constant drone of the helicopter circling overhead will signal that the police are 500 feet away from gang activity,” said Ashworth.
One police official acknowledged the Trenton LAGS program is merely a charade. “The only benefit will be to Mayor Palmer. People will hear the helicopters and believe that the Mayor has a clue about what he’s doing. Nothing could be further from the truth,” the officer said.