K9News-Revival
 Credo Quia Absurdum Est
NEWS, SATIRE AND COMMENTARY WITH A BITE
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City to Hire 'Police Aides'

Last month the city announced it planned to hire four Police Aides. The annual salary will be between $24,044 and $36,755. Ironically the starting salary for a Police Aide is higher than for a Police Officer ($23,000).
According to the notice, “This position will be filled by a civilian employee in uniform who will perform police clerical duties as well as a number of other non-law enforcement duties. Specifications from the Department of Personnel are attached.”
Although the city innocently describes the duties as “clerical” and “non-law enforcement,” the Department of Personnel (DOP) specification is much different. The job description lists, among other duties: interviewing witnesses to obtain relevant facts, preparing written and oral report of investigations and significant activities; and testifying in court.
"This sounds like a poor-man's version of a cop," said one officer. "Is the city in such dire straits that the extra money for regular officers is too much to pay?"

And a Ho, Ho, D’Oh

As the rest of Trenton enjoyed the warm, bustling fires in their homes and the atmosphere of holiday cheer, Joe was much of a scrooge.
He was too busy thinking about how to make others feels as crappy as he, instead of getting in the holiday mood.
Feeling a sudden burst of Christmas cheer, he dressed in a red Armani suit and loaded up his Ford with his rendition of glee.
When he unloaded his gifts to the police department he finally felt like his burden was free.
So on Monday the department awoke to disappointment as they realized what was under the tree.
Why jolly ol’ St. Joe had left lumps of sh*t instead of coal.
“Oh, no,” the department thought. “He got it all wrong.”
No one was truly happy except for a few single souls.
There happiness was because they had received golden nuggets, and they burst into song.
So what should you take from this tale of win and lose?
Joe knows who he likes and he really puts the screw in Scrooge.
PBK



IT'L   Q   YKOTFR   GY   PGT'L

QFR   FGV   TCTKNGFT   AFGVL

GY   IOL   YOFQFEOQS   VGTL

Clue F=N
Answer
The K9News Library is here!

Some requests were received asking for certain documents to either be emailed to the requester, or posted to allow download.

The link to access the library will be on the front page of the K9News, between the Archive and Print links.

All the documents will be stored on the K9News site and when possible, links to their original location on the web will be provided.

It will be up to each reader to determine the veracity of each document that was obtained from the Internet. We do not present the documents as fact(s), we merely present them as existing.

Check out the K9News Library
Q & A Session with the Downtowner

This past November the K9News had the pleasure of having a Question & Answer session with Trenton's Downtowner newspaper.
To read the interview, in its entirety, click here.
This month's issue, as well as archived issues of the Downtowner can be found at www.trentondowntowner.com.
We would like to thank the Downtowner for their straight-forward handling of the interview, and recommend that residents of Trenton and the surrounding towns make it part of their regular reading.
In a twist of irony, city hall and police headquarters are distribution points for the paper.

Check out the "Trunk Monkey"
 (from trunkmonkey.com)

Trunk Monkey 2 - Anti-Vandal System - trunk_monkey2.wmv

Trunk Monkey 4 - Ticket Avoidance System - trunk_monkey4.wmv

Trunk Monkey 5 - Anti-Theft Device - trunk_monkey5.wmv

Trunk Monkey 6 - Anti-Jerk Device - trunk_monkey6.mpg

*NEW* Joe Monkey - A MUST See!

Don't Forget to Visit TrentonFacts.com for a slew of other information!